dear diary

i’m a city slut averse in street philosophy see the problem with the world is everybody assumes somebody else is doing better than them just ’cause they bought something new or they got married too or have a new job and so they fume in silent hate then try to compete and call that ambition ambitions i like them because they frustrate me somedays and give me reason to drink hate all assholes i did favours for ingrates i wasted my love and cum juices on i fume cry messy hair ambitions make us heartless selfish brutes i know see i was raised by a single nagging religious mom and dad was a drunk prick who slept with his old shoes on all my younger siblings are dead one was a scarface rascal who got stoned to death in korogocho slums for snatching a cheap mobile phone so he could buy lunch and weed so i must succeed i’m a city girl in tight polka dress i know the power of naked flesh yes i can have sex for money i can suck an old man’s dick to pay for my college degree my grandma taught me about sacrifice i am a woman i must survive and fuck those self-righteous poets who keep condemning abortion but when i told the sonofabitch i’m pregnant he switched his phone off and called me a cheap whore when i asked him for abortion money he still lives with his mama anyway silly boy i am a tomboy i suck nipples for fun i am a city girl i tweet about my new wig #mcw #tbt rebound love dry spells one night stands smoke weed filter instagram photos to look sexy take selfies of my hostel pillows

and i have a lesbian lover i write poems for she asked what my muse is i said baby we all should have somebody to think about or a pet or church where jewish bible quotes are selling hope and multiplying pipe dreams like three fish and five loaves

and i have a dude with no job but one hot body and he a rapper too on friday evening he had his right foot on the wall pulling out hair from his nostrils waiting for me from shopping he a broke thug though he took me home that night and he tenderly violated my thirsty body the whole night a man doesn’t live like this i said as i swept off condoms matchsticks cigarette butts bamba ten scratch cards rent receipts and bread crumbs your age mates have kids and mortgage get your ass up and be a man you ugly slut i’m a city boy he said besides the earth is overpopulated already come back to bed kiss me pull the blinds pull me closer the world doesn’t care about us and asked him why he is not famous with his raps he said according to hiphop if the show is a sold out that is dope but if the rapper is then that shit wrong the value of things is not in their price tags but in their use and i think i might be stuck with him for life and bad choices are made like this i’ma live my life to hell with those tv socialites defining my success what my waist should look like or what a modern girl gotta do to fit in i’ma be myself just for today kiss my neck tell me

i’m pretty tomorrow can wait


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